A New Hope

Make no mistake, I’m not adding up any unhatched chickens just yet, but things are looking good for Space Mountain and Roll Over this week.  Roll Over has ridden it’s Texans, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster to a 63.82 point lead heading in to tonight’s stellar match-up.  Our opponent still has Maurice Jones-Drew, Marcedes Lewis, and Josh Scobee to play, while we’re still holding Chris Johnson in our pocket.  I’m optimistic, but I know better than to think it’s over.

On the surface, mainly because we’re winning, it looks like last week’s trade has worked out, but a look at the numbers tells us that’s false.  Was there any doubt that Greg Jennings was going to break out yesterday?  Did you kick yourself in the balls when he had an 86-yard touchdown in the first quarter?  I did.  It took Johnson and Foster a while to show up, but show up they did.  As it turns out Johnson only outscored Jennings by .5 points as they both had big days.  I also started the newly acquired Tom Brady over Joe Flacco too, just because, and I lost that decision by 6 points.  I’ll be recording my new single, “I’ve Got the 3rd Receiver Blues” this week, look for it on Itunes or steal it elsewhere.  You’ll remember last week that I decided to start Tampa Bay’s Mike Williams as my 3rd receiver for the rest of the year and not think twice about it.  Did you kick yourself in the balls when Lance Moore scored a 41-yard touchdown in the first quarter?  I did.  I also left Pierre Garcon on the bench.  My balls hurt.

Space Mountain’s balls hurt before 1:00 even came around.  We had DeAngelo Williams and Cedric Benson on byes, which left us with Ryan Mathews and Brandon Jacobs.

What a week we're having!

Mathews may be turning into a fantasy flop the likes we haven’t see since Eugene Levy threw water on Daryl Hannah outside that black-tie dinner.  And Jacobs, well, he scares me.  Plaxico Burress is probably a little happy to be in jail, because there’s got to be a slight chance that Jacobs could decide to squeeze the life out of someone just because it happens to be a Wednesday.

This handsome lady probably doesn't have Brandon Jacobs on her fantasy team.

We picked up Jacobs a few weeks ago because we saw the approaching bye problem and Jacobs had the best available match-up of the players available (the Lions), so we kissed Lawrence Maroney’s non-scoring ass goodbye.  Around 1:00 yesterday, I texted my Life Associate something to the effect of, “What have we become?  We’re counting on Brandon Jacobs.”  Then I remembered:  The Luxor, 2005.

You may remember that in week 2 of the 2005 season the Giants were slated to play at New Orleans.  This was not very long after Hurricane Katrina hit, and the NFL decided to make this a Saints’ “home game” at the Meadowlands.  That just means that the end zones had the Saints logo in it and the Giants got to call the coin toss.  That’s about it.  Anyway, I was in Vegas with my family at the time and my Father and I came across a proposition sheet with the odds to score the first touchdown of the game.  For some reason, Brandon Jacobs, the goal line back was going off at 20-1.  Yes, have some.  We had reservations for dinner, but were going to be able to catch the first half hour of the game at the Luxor sports book.  The Saints received the opening kickoff and promptly fumbled it away to the Giants at the 10-yard line.  Tiki Barber, a scumbag, ran the ball twice and got to the 1-yard line.  He recovered his own fumble on the second carry, prompting Jacobs to be sent in to finish off the quick drive.  Handoff to Jacobs, touchdown.  Bet won, let’s eat.  It took less than two minutes off the clock.

Brandon Jacobs must have felt our connection yesterday.  He only gained 35 yards, but he scored two short touchdowns, which is one more than Madison Mathews has all year.  Space Mountain is leading by 35 points with only Nate Washington going against us.  Nate Washington seems like a nice enough guy, I’d hate to have to hate him.

One last note: I’ve recently been contributing to a Panthers website as well as a college football website where I write about N.C. State.

Some of the Panthers content requires a paid registration.  The college site is all free:

Panthers Insider and ChuckOliver.net


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