This morning I rolled out of bed around 7 AM. I had the alarm set for 7:30, so I was up early, not so much in anticipation of what I was about to do, but in anticipation of just being done with it.
I decided a few days ago that I would put myself through the much ballyhooed conditioning test that Albert Haynesworth had in the news for way too long. I realize it’s beating a dead horse at this point, but I didn’t have the editing equipment that I do now. So with Her Sweetness behind the camera, I took the field at a local high school to see if I was fit enough to play for the Redskins.
- The test consists of 2 300-yard shuttle runs. You sprint 25 yards, back and forth 6 times.
- You do this twice. The first one must be completed in 70 seconds. The second in 72 seconds.
- I was under the impression that you get a five minute break in between, but I just read an article that said Albert was given a 3 1/2 minute break. I took five. I’ll also mention that my initial plan was to chug a can of Sparks in between for some reason.
Realizing that an idiot would do this, and it probably wasn’t a good idea to drink booze on school grounds on a Sunday morning, I didn’t partake in a delicious Sparks.
- Did I mention that I woke up at 7 AM?
- After I woke up I had a cup of coffee and then chugged two pints of water. I was preparing like I did for going on a 12-mile run during marathon training. This was stupid.
- I’m not a multi-millionaire, in fact I’m unemployed. This also means that I don’t have benefits, so I were I to blow out anything I’d have to pay a lot of money for good painkillers.
- The only sprinting I’ve done in the last 10 years was to catch trains in Penn Station on Friday nights when I was drunk.
- The ground was wet, and I have no reason to own cleats.
Enough excuses. Hell, I ran a marathon in January, I just might be able to do this. I don’t see Albert Haynesworth running a marathon any time soon. So now, without further ado, the visual evidence (there is sound):