Division Titles: AFC East

It’s Dan Marino.  If you know me, you saw that one coming 5,084 yards away.  That’s how many yards he threw for in ’84, which is still a league record.  I was going to use his career yardage numbers, but that record was surpassed by Brett Favre in ’07, oh well.  At any rate, can you think of a better player to have played in the division that isn’t locked up for STEALING HIS OWN MEMORABILIA!

He's right, readers. It's Marino.

O.J. was also accused of murdering his ex-wife and Ronald Goldman, but found innocent.  Still he tarnished the shield so no division name for you, Nordberg.

You can throw Joe Namath and Jim Kelly at me, because one won a Super Bowl, one played in 4 (lost them all), and Marino lost the only one that he appeared in, but it doesn’t matter.  It’s Marino.  You can throw John Hannah at me too, I never saw him play, but I’ll listen.  He played left guard for the Patriots for his entire 12 year career and dominated.  He was a 10 All-Pro,  named to both the All-70’s and All-80’s team, was named the #1 guard on the NFL’s 75th Anniversary All-Time Team, and was elected to the Hall of Fame in ’91.  He was a great, and I respect the hell out of a great offensive lineman, but the AFC East cannot be named after a guard.  Besides, in a few years when Tom Brady retires he’ll go down as the greatest quarterback to play in the division.  See?  I’m not blinded by my former Marino crush.

There was no way in hell that a Jet was getting this division named after him either.  Not on my blog.  Well, maybe Piscataway, NJ native Kyle Wilson in about 15 years.  You can throw arguments my way for Don Maynard, Matt Snell, Mark Gastineau, and John Hall, but come on.  The best thing the Jets have produced so far is a Herman Edwards press conference.

Understand that Marino was my sports idol when I was kid, but I’m certainly over it now.  His NFL studio shows are just about unwatchable, and I don’t care how much weight he’s losing.  I lived and died with the man in the 80’s and 90’s.  I’ll say it, I cried a few times when they lost in the playoffs, but I’m better now.

Larry Csonka’s name kept creeping in to my head too, mostly because it’s a great name, but this division isn’t about bruising running backs.  In fact, a theme is forming here with the AFC divisions being renamed.  Of the 3 that I’ve renamed so far, all have been named after quarterbacks.  I have a feeling that will change with the AFC North.

So that’s that, Marino it is.

Perfect.

Of course, I’d have no problem naming the AFC East the ’72 Dolphins Division in honor of the greatest team to ever play, but rules are rules.

Verdict: AFC East = Marino Division

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4 responses to “Division Titles: AFC East

  1. Gee, didn’t see that one comin’ As your mother, I lived and breathed Marino with you all of those years and shared your joys and sorrows in my heart.

  2. Unnamed Lifetime Associatte

    I didn’t see Al Toon’s name thrown in! Mark Gastineau? You probably included him because his wife was in the instant classic “Rocky IV” No your right Marino is the best fit here, despite your creepy boyhood crush.

  3. Unnamed Lifetime Associatte

    Wow your right. That is the first time that’s been true Keyshawn and Chrebet.

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